Look At Me, I'm Kairi!
by Fairy Godmoose
Summary: Based on 'Look At Me, I'm Sandra Dee' from Grease. After an argument, Sora tries to persuade Riku that Kairi is a wimpy, good for nothing Mary Sue...in song.


**FG:** MWAHAHAHAHA! I'm back!

**Everyone else:** (sweatdrop)

**FG:** Whaaaaat?

**Sora:** You're acting even more insane than usual.

**Riku:** And that's saying something.

**FG:** (growls) Take a look in the mirror, you…hey, where's Kairi?

**Riku:** She's practicing thinking about squirrels being run over by cars.

**FG:** Um…what?

**Sora:** She needs to cry for the fanfic, remember?

**FG:** Oh, yeeeeeaaaaah. Well, I'll stop wasting everyone's time and hurry up with the disclaimer.

**Reviewers:** (cheer like people on those canned studio audience tracks)

…Square Enix owns Sora, Riku, and Kairi

…the company who did 'Grease' owns 'Look at Me, I'm Sandra Dee'

**FG: **And now for our feature presentation, 'Look At Me, I'm Kairi'!

… … … … … … … … …

Somewhere on Destiny Islands, Sora, Riku, and Kairi were sitting in a tree house by the shore. "What's on TV?" Sora asked.

Riku was on his stomach, with his chin in his hand. Kairi was sprawled on her side, playing with some thalassa shells. "I don't know…" she murmured faintly.

"Stuff," Riku grunted.

"I'll check," Sora volunteered. He grabbed the remote, then flipped through channels. After he pressed it around a dozen times, he made a gagging sound. "We're DEFINITELY not watching that."

"Not watching what?" Kairi looked up.

Sora deflatedly gestured to the screen. "Grease," he replied.

"Y'mean that movie set in the 50's?" Riku clarified, disgusted.

"I like it," Kairi announced proudly. "It's a beautiful movie about two teenagers who-"

"We don't care."

Kairi stared blankly at Sora. "You really don't like it?"

The Keyblade Master-to-be shook his head. "It's mushy and gross. Everything mushy and gross is stupid."

"I happen to like 'mushy' and 'gross'! Does that make ME stupid?" she demanded.

Sora thought for a moment. "In a word, yes."

Kairi started sobbing. "Sora!" she cried. "You're a jerk! A big jerk!" Sora rolled his eyes as the red-head ran out the door.

Riku sat up and sighed. "That was harsh," he noted.

"It's true," Sora told him, trying to defend himself.

"But she's your girlfriend!"

Sora rolled his eyes again. "She gets annoying after a while. YOU try being with her 24/7."

"Hey, if you don't want her, can I have her?" Riku joked.

"If you really want her, fine by me." Sora snorted as Riku slowly grinned. "But you have no idea what you're getting into…"

Riku let out a spurt of air in an exasperated sigh. "You're overreacting, Sora."

"No, I'm not."

"What's so bad about her?"

Sora turned off 'Grease', then also sighed. "I'll tell you."

A cheesy, bouncing intro came out of nowhere. "Sora, don't sing…" Riku pleaded. Unfortunately, there was nothing anyone could do to stop what came next. Sora put on a sickeningly happy grin and began to run in place.

_Look at me, I'm Ka-i-ri!_

_I run like I'm ninety-three!_

_Don't give me a chase,_

_I'll trip while we race,_

'_Cause I'm stupid Ka-i-ri!_

"I'm serious, cut it out," Riku warned him, covering his ears. Sora didn't cut it out. 

_I'm Kai-ri, I'm sooooo wimpy!_

_I'll wear anything skimpy!_

_I cheat with Riku,_

_I'll cheat with you, too,_

_If you walk by Kai-ri!_

Riku got red. "I already told you, Kairi got scared by the storm and wanted to stay at my house!"

"Sure she did, brudda." Wakka, Tidus, and Selphie crawled through the windows. "Whatcha guys doin'?" Wakka asked.

Riku hunched up his shoulders. "Sora's singing about how stupid he thinks Kairi is."

Selphie squealed. "Can we help?" Riku sweatdropped as she, Wakka, and Tidus grinned at him.

"Whatever floats your boat," he replied stiffly.

"Raft," Tidus corrected, running to join Sora.

Sora, still wearing a disturbingly happy face, sat cross-legged on a stool. He continued with his song.

_I don't drink!_

"Boo!" the trio cheered.

_Or swear!_

"Boo!"

_A blind man cried when he saw my hair!_

"Boo!"

"Blind men can't see anything, Sora," Riku noted quietly.

Wakka slapped the younger boy's back. "That's why it's funny, ya?"

"It's not funny if you have to explain it," Selphie disagreed.

"Shhhhh!" Tidus silenced them as Sora began to sing again.

_Fanboys, fanboys! Let me be!_

_Keep those cameras far from me!_

_Just keep your cool,_

_Now you're starting to drool!_

_Oh well, I'm Ka-i-ri!_

"Sora?" Riku spoke up nervously. The trio also looked worried. Sora still wasn't listening.

_Look at me, I'm Ka-i-ri!_

_I wish I had a pony!_

_I'm a Princess of Heart,_

_But I still like to fart!_

_So stay far from Kai-ri!_

"SORA!" Riku, Wakka, Tidus, and Selphie screeched.

Sora finally looked up. "Yeah?"

Kairi was standing in the doorway, fuming. "Are you making fun of me, Sora?"

"Um…"

"JERK!" Kairi repeated, bashing Sora's face in with a bokuto. Riku and the trio snickered as Kairi stalked away.

Sora was slumped on the ground, clutching his face and glaring. "Some people are so touchy."

… … … … … … … … …

**FG: **Thanks for reading 'Look at Me, I'm Kairi!'

**Kairi: **For future reference, thinking about dead squirrels really DOES make you cry.

**Riku: **Really?

**Kairi: **………

**Riku: **………

**Sora: **………

**FG: **………

**Kairi: **……no.

**Everyone else: **(sweatdrop)

**FG: **Well, like I said, thanks for reading. FG out, yo!


End file.
